The Narcissist Thought Trap

Sep 20, 2022


When you’ve been with a narcissist for so long, you deal with something called the narc brain, and it affects your habits and thought patterns. The narcissist thought trap then occurs, and it comes up all of the time in the work I do with my clients. It’s really one of those things that can slow you down, and you stay stuck in pain, and inaction.

Most of the time, you are conditioned to make certain decisions that are not based on your highest self, but are based on immediate survival and relief. This is what keeps you distracted from doing what you actually want in life. Sadly, you’ve been in survival mode for SO long; the constant emotional and verbal attacks are keeping you from going after what you really want, and creating the amazing post-narc life you deserve.

In today’s episode, I’ll be talking about:

  • How the narc brain (which is in a constant state of fight or flight) actually creates the narcissist thought trap
  • The 7 step process of how the narc brain keeps you trapped, and real-life examples of how this can look
  • How the brain is wired to avoid pain and stay efficient, no matter what
  • The constant pain a narcissist is in, and why they choose to inflict that pain onto others
  • What it looks like when you use narcissist tactics against yourself
  • The 3 steps for how you can actually get out of the narcissist trap-for good

A really important reminder I want you to know is that emotional pain doesn’t actually come from your situation; it comes from your thoughts, and your interpretation of what’s happening in your life. Of course I know things won’t magically change if you just change your thoughts and are constantly positive (that’s not how it works), but it is vital to really look at your thoughts, and figure out what’s true, and what isn’t.

How the narcissist thought trap plays into your emotions, and what you think of yourself.

When you find yourself in a situation with a narcissist and you’re continually playing the narcissist game just to survive, I don’t want you to blame yourself, and beat yourself up. This is your opportunity to really look at the tragedy of your situation, the sadness of your situation, and also the bravery of your situation. You actually survived, and you should pat yourself on the back!

I like to teach my clients this, and I’m working on teaching it to myself too. I want you to think about how you would be if you were talking with a little child (the little child version of yourself). Would you be telling that little child what you’re telling yourself now, about the decisions you’ve made, and the life that you’re in? No, of course not. You would not talk to a child that way, so don’t talk to yourself that way, because the person who made those decisions was your inner child.

When you’re in fight or flight pretty much all of the time, your inner child takes over, and your subconscious brain is like a child. It can be very child-like, and is very simple.

When you’re working through the process of the narcissist thought trap, you absolutely have to have compassion for yourself.

I want you to have compassion for yourself (and a LOT of it), because you’ve been through so much. If you need help with any of this, this is the kind of work I do with my clients.

Sure-sometimes things will go off plan, and you’ll encounter obstacles. The work may take longer than expected, and it may be more uncomfortable than you thought it would be. These aren’t problems though-especially if you know how to deal with them, and that is managing your mind, and your emotions. My clients are putting in the work and creating their dream lives, and believe me-it’s possible for you to do it too!

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:



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